Marriage - The Promise

Two very exciting life-changing events recently happened. Not for me, for two people very close to me, my best friend Colleen, and my brother Bobby. They got married.

My Aunt and Uncle will soon be celebrating their 50 year wedding anniversary. This is definitely something to be celebrated. But, why is it so damn hard to stay together these days??? Three words: Marriage- is- work. It's not easy.

Maybe people these days don't want to work at a relationship....so-- you “break up”, (also known as “divorce”). But if you think back to the day you said those wedding vows to each other, and truly meant it, you are breaking a promise.

I am not married long at all (5 years, yay!), but I gave them some words of advice from a novice at this thing called marriage. (Replace the “her” with “him” if needed- this advice is for both husband and wife).

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• Take the time to remember why you got married, the feelings... rekindle and remember those same feelings
• Be respectful at all times, with your actions and words
• Words hurt... a lot- think before you speak
• It is okay to have “down time”, with or without your wife/husband
• Show your affection...don't underestimate the power of a hug
• Tell her you love her...often
• Listen, listen....and listen
• Surprise her
• Recognize that we all have strengths and weaknesses, virtues and faults
• Look for those strengths and virtues – they surely outnumber the weaknesses and faults
• Be willing to admit you made a mistake
• Say you are sorry
• Be honest
• Say how you are feeling
• Make her/him and your marriage a priority, make sacrifices (this may mean saying “no” to other things or just staying home)

These are things that came off the top of my head, real, practical and from the heart advice (from your little sister, I know... ;)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Corinthians 13:4"

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For Bobby and Lauren, Colleen and Mike- Congratulations! Enjoy the journey, remember your vows... and my words of wisdom!  

MILESTONE

So, another milestone is coming up. My baby boy is “graduating”...his first of I hope many graduations. It's not even preschool. It's pre pre school.  He won't wear a gown or graduate magna cum laude, but nonetheless I am certain I will cry as I swell with pride. There are so many “firsts”. Things that we as adults may take for granted...moments of pure innocence as a child learns about the world. My brother told me how awesome it was to see his daughter discover her shadow for the first time. There is a wonderful quote about this:

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.

                                      ~ Rachel Carson

To see things as a kid and be in that moment is simply amazing. We are too busy many times in our adult lives to savor these moments and memories.

Back to graduation. It is an accomplishment, just like learning to ride a bicycle or jump off the diving board.

I knew I would cry, at least shed a tear. It didn't take long- just a look at the program...I choked up.

So, take the time to discover with your kids the world around you-- you may learn something new along the way.

CONGRATULATIONS BABY BOY – We love you more than words can say. We hope to be the best parents we can for you, that you grow up confident, giving, loving and happy. 

TIME

Are You “together”?

Why is my life such a whirlwind? I wish I had more of a lot of things, but most of all I wish that I had more time. Time with my husband, time with my kids, free time, time for myself, time to exercise. I feel like I'm never “together” in any aspect of my life. I said to a friend one day venting: “Other woman always seem like they're so “together””. She pointed out that I said “seem”, so they could just be faking it? I feel like I fall short of being a wife, mother, daughter and sister. I don't even have time to get my shoes or clothes organized. (I've been meaning to do that for months now). Why do all the woman at work (even the ones with kids, so that's no excuse) always look so much more “together” than me? I'm lucky I get out the door. I hardly sleep more than 4 hours a night. When other woman talk about going home to cook, I feel a little embarrassed...I don't cook much...shouldn't I be cooking for my husband, like a good wife? Shouldn't I be giving him back rubs or something? I'm too freakin' tired most days to get off the couch after work (I'm not exagerrating). I'm tired of being tired. Too tired to play with Mateo and Maia. It makes me mad. My house (apartment) is always a mess. I'm not the class mother that bakes cakes and cupcakes. I see other people that have kids, but manage to take care of themselves, much better than I. A mother with triplets that manages to go the gym and run marathons!?! I know you should not compare, but it's hard not to. I guess I need to work on making some time for me. Did I lose “me”? As life changes with kids and a family, your time needs to be spent wisely- as there is not a lot of it!

On a more positive note...toys all over the place don't make me who I am. Mateo will not care in the long run if I made the cupcakes or bought them, as long as I am there (wherever “there” may be) - spending my TIME with him.

This entry was kind of all over the place, but you get the idea... ;)

ENJOY THE MOMENT

It was a typical night. Maia goes to sleep....wakes up a little while later. I go to her. I usually just nurse her back to sleep, but I didn't that night. I held her. This may not sound like a big deal. But it is. I felt her little body next to mine, her heartbeat, as I lay on the bed, her in my arms. I wanted to look at her, but the lights were off. I wanted to watch her sleeping in my arms. Now this is something that 14 months ago, I would not have thought was so heartwarming. She was colicky, cried almost all the time, and we basically had to hold her for the first three months. But, things change. She changed. She is no longer a baby. (Hold- that just got me teary-eyed!). She is an active toddler, exploring the world with hardly any time for snuggling. She doesn't need me...well, in that way any more as much. It's those moments that we need to remember. There is the eternal battle between the sleep tyrants and the more “attachment” parenting types. I don't consider myself either. I guess I would lean more towards the attachment though. You will not have your child to cuddle up with forever. Soon, you won't be able to carry them in your arms, so ENJOY THE MOMENT. Every age and stage has these moments and you'll never be able to go back in time. We can just say “remember when”.