What is "fun" for kids - and do you have to pay for it?

So, I completely understand why we want to take our children places and involve them in activities. I guess I write this because I tend to want to do too much of this. We do it we think for their own good and benefit. We take them to the Science Museum because it's wonderful to be exposed to exhibits and concepts in a fun, learning way. We take them to amusement parks because they have a lot of fun there as well. But, in all honesty, it's expensive- and may not be worth it- depending on the age of your kids.

It's like what they say about the box being more fun than the present.

Kids don't need their fun organized, although it does have it's place as kids get older.

My children are 4 years old and 1 year old. We went to a farm the other day, paid $50, and I feel that it was not worth the money. You give my little one a puddle and some swings, and she's happy-- really. My bigger boy, he's pretty flexible, and will have a good time anywhere. I think the park is the way to go. In New York City we are fortunate to have wonderful parks. My son plays there and socializes on his own- he finds his own random friends for the day, or the half hour we may be there. They run, pretend and play. Then they part their separate ways.

Swimming classes are worth it – an important, survival skill to learn. Classes help with structure, rule following, etc... and as they grow, they really do learn from being explicitly taught things.

I guess it's good that Big M is freaked out by cartoon characters live...so I won't take him to see Yo Gabba Gabba live- which he wouldn't enjoy anyway. Wow Wow Wubbzy and Max were at the farm we went to the other day. Mateo kept his distance, better to watch them on T.V. Me, I was thinking that maybe Max's parents would make an appearance.

We don't have a backyard, so for now the parks of NYC will have to do.  I am going to start going to parks with open spaces and playgrounds.  I'll bring a ball and a kite.  I'll interact WITH my kids as opposed to just watching them, which is what I do at the playgrounds.  There is a profound difference.  The time spend throwing a ball with them, rolling around in the grass, running after them playing tag is not something you can put a price tag on.

KINDERGARTEN - Ready or Not ?-NOT!

If Mateo were born two months earlier, he would be entering Kindergarten this September, and honestly, I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for him to grow up-- be a big boy. And thank goodness he has one more year of being my baby boy- one more year for ME to prepare myself for the impending start of “formal”schooling.

Kindergarten means he'll be away from us, his primary caregivers, for the whole day. It means letting go. Kindergarten is not like like it was when I went to school. We did colors, shapes and numbers. Now, you are expected to already know all that. When I was in preschool I sang songs and played- developmentally appropriate activities. You'll be hard-pressed to find a program that teaches “the whole child”.

I see how teachers treat and talk to children, Kindergarteners. Would I ever want Mateo talked to like that? Sarcastically? Condescendingly? Breaking down confidence, when you should be building it up?

This is why it is so important to find a good early childhood program- one that is warm, caring, and of course academically rigorous as well. This is a delicate balance.

I guess at 4 or 5 years old, the best way to find out if they feel safe where they are is-- are they happy when they come home? Do they want to go back? Do they talk enthusiastically about the teacher and activities?

I want to visit. I want to be as involved as I can. I want to see how the teacher reacts to students, both “well” behaved students and disruptive students. I want to be a fly on the wall. Does the teacher have patience and talk to the students in a calm, reassuring voice?

One more year before the big one. One more year of growth in every sense for my baby boy. I will most definitely cry your first day of Kindergarten, thinking about the past and the future. I will let you go- I promise- but it won't be easy.

I'M AMERICAN - DO I HAVE A CULTURE?

Another thing that is very much part of our family and defines us is the fact that we are bilingual/bicultural. My husband is from Argentina. We speak Spanish at home and my son didn't speak a word of English until he after he turned three years old. My husband, is of course a native speaker and I learned the language.

I'm American- do I really have a culture?

So, what does it mean to be an American? I'm not Indian or Asian or Hispanic. I was born here and have no real customs from my heritage. I'm a European mutt- half Italian, the rest Irish and British. I have no other language that I grew up with, no typical foods, etc...so I never thought that I really had a culture. Until I met Rafa, and on some major, and many minor issues we clashed.

I realized I guess that I do have typical food dishes as an American. When I was abroad, the only things I missed were a good cheeseburger and a good pizza – honestly, that was it. So cliché American...

There is the risk-taking, entrepeneuraial mentality that is engrained in our culture. Come to America. Work hard, and you will succeed. It is the land of opportunity. Be independent.

There is a lot of pressure here in the United States to fit into a mold, everything “should” be done a certain way at a certain time, in a certain order. I myself am guilty of this at times. We have these "milestones" that we want so badly to stick to - like a bible - if they don't do "x" by "y" time, freak out.  


I am also the parent that pushes my son to do things by himself and be more independent (which is not always a bad thing, so maybe we balance each other out well). I pushed to go to a daycare when he was young to “socialize” with other kids, instead of being at home, which is the most important place to be. My husband was never keen on these things. 


 We don't let kids do nothing, even though their “nothing” are the best learning experiences for them. Learning is not done by paying $250 for a structured class. There are always 400 things for kids to do- practices, classes, etc... And, I'm learning from my husband- instead of my cookie-cutter ideas (an effect of my culture), to let our kids be. They will do/learn when they are ready.


I would like to add that it is not JUST culture that shapes your values and ideals.  A LOT has to do with your family, the way you grew up - and that also comes into play in our family now.

We have something to learn from each other as parents.  My push for independence, and his loving sheltering and protecting.

I am proud of the ideals and values we both have and hope to instill in our children. We balance each other out nicely.

ANOTHER SORT OF RELATIONSHIP 

Now, this isn't a blog specifically about breastfeeding or parenting, but there will be various entries about both of them. I could not write about my life without writing about my family. And nursing, well, that is a big part of my life with Maia now, and a very important part.

I've already armed myself with information (medically backed up) about why I am doing what's called “extended” breastfeeding and why it's still normal to feed a toddler the way nature intended. I know those questions are coming. I am by no means a “lactivist”, but breastfeeding is something I strongly believe in, and to me is optimal nourishment. I do not say a word about the way anybody feeds their child- to each their own, but I am an ardent supporter to those who breastfeed and may experience bumps in the road (which there will be – it is not easy sometimes). I love to help whenever I can.

Anyway, this post is not about the nutritional/medical aspect of nursing. It is about the emotions and feelings of this beautiful relationship. There is something so intimate about it, and you won't understand unless you've experienced it.

Maia is our last baby, so when she weans I will be sad. But I trust her to do it when she's ready. At the same time, I will be contented with all the memories I have and seeing her grow from a helpless newborn to an independent, healthy rambunctious toddler.

I will miss her pulling my hair, kicking, squirming, laughing as she looks up at me. I will miss her trying to carry the nursing pillow across the room to me. I will miss her nursing at night-- crazy as it sounds now, I know sleep is precious. But how much sleep have we lost for things far less noble? Being there in a way nobody else can for your child-- priceless. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

It's clear that we both still are happy in this relationship, neither of us is ready for it to end. When she is, I will respect that decision, although I will be sad for that part of our relationship to end.

As she falls asleep next to me, I myself drift off as I get home from work. There's nothing better to help calm her when she is tired and cranky.  She relaxes and nods off to sleep.

What people don't understand is that this toddler doesn't become a toddler overnight. Nothing miraculosuly happens on day 366 of their life that makes them need you any less. The older they get it is harder for people to understand that.

My greatest gift I can give is helping other mothers to nurse their child. I would not want them to miss this, something so beautiful. To put the needs of your child above all else. Period. Everyday in every way.

If you want to know all the medical benefits of breastfeeding, I will post that at another time.


So, when people ask me "why", the best response is "why not?"  Give me one good reason.


I read once that a good analogy to nursing is wearing a seat belt.  If somebody questioned you about that, you would look at them like they were crazy, because you know that it's just the right thing to do, so ingrained in you.  Nobody would change your mind.  Same with breastfeeding.

EVERY PARENT'S WORST NIGHTMARE

What a way to usher in the Summer...

We went to the park. Kids were playing and having fun. A little background information- there are two “sides” to this park. One is new and nice, and the other has older equipment and not so nice.

So, we started out hanging out on the new side. When I go to the park, I am always looking for my son's color clothing to keep tabs on him- that's the first thing I look for. That day, he was wearing red, white and blue Champion shorts and a dark gray/olive shirt with a scorpion on the front from a store called “Grisino” in Argentina. I can go on about the details of his clothing. This is important information to know – in case he gets lost...

I bent down to fix my daughter's shoe, and look up to locate my son. I looked around the park, looking for his red shorts. I looked a little more... oh- there he is (heart rate down, at ease)...no – that's another child in red shorts, more or less his age and hair color. I look more, hoping that that little leg peering out of the playground equipment is his...nope. I enter into panic mode. I swoop up baby girl and start scouring the park. I was about to start asking people if they saw him, when I looked to the other playground on the other side of the park. Looking for the red shorts. I spot them. I find him.

I run over to him. I start crying, tears of joy and relief. He looked at me like I was half crazy at first...or joking around...I think he got the idea though- that it was for real. That is how much I love him. In between my crying I told him: “I thought I lost you. I thought somebody took you. I couldn't find you. I looked all over. You have to ask me first or tell me where you are going. I love you and don't want anything to happen to you”. Imagine all that said with tears streaming down my face.

Little boy in the red shorts: found. A very loving Mama: relieved.

The Third Most Important Person

We unfortunately, like most people, need to work. I cannot stay home with the kids. Well, technically I probably can, but that's a story for another day.

The thing is, we needed a babysitter. We went through a couple, until we found one that was perfect. This is a big deal-- you are trusting this person with your child or children. There are so many things they must be- honest, patient, giving, loving, punctual, etc....the list goes on.

Thinking about having to look for another babysitter makes me nervous. Thank God we do not have to do that. She has been there for us since a little after my son's first birthday. She has been with us at least three years. She has seen my son start to walk and all the beautiful in between moments until now, at four years old. She has known my daughter since she was born, and has been taking care of her since she was four months old- she is now 17 months, so you can imagine how their relationship has grown.

She loves our kids so much. She protects them. We feel completely at ease leaving them with her. She is such a hard worker. After watching our kids, she goes to her second job, which I guess would be her “real” job, but I know that she takes the responsibility of watching our kids just as seriously.

A sincere thank you to her and the person she is. She has become part of our family.  

MY LOVE OF ANIMALS

When I was young, and people asked you: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My first recollection of a response is “a veterinarean”. I always liked taking care of animals-- and my best friend's younger brother!

There are two things I probably hate more than anything else in the world-- pet peeves if you will: 1.) People that litter and 2.) People that are mean to animals.

I sometimes watch all the nature shows and think how cool it would be to hold a baby tiger cub, to do something proactive to help endangered animals. But, here we are in 2011, and the best I can do is love my two cats, Kiko and Colita to bits!

I am a member of the World Wildlife Federation and get the token greeting cards and address labels in the mail. I am a member of the ASPCA and have some decals to show for it. And, then there are always the letters, talking about how you can help with just 50 cents a day-- way to make me feel guilty.

So, how is my love for animals evident? Well, I once set off a school alarm because my fish, yes fish, needed its medicine.  Now, bear in mind, this was not when I was a child; this was just about two years ago, as a Teacher.  Most people would have just let the fish die.  I don't think people got it.  I worried every night about the fish. I can't even go to the animal shelter without crying about how “nobody wants the old ones”.

Now I am a Science teacher, which goes hand in hand with animal care. This year we watched the metamorphosis of the butterfly. We watched it go through the stages of the life cycle-- amazing. School is over, and they are still in the chrysalis (pupa) stage. Last night I kept thinking what I was going to do with them- who was going to take care of them. I left them with the main office personnel- hope they're okay. I will be calling in two days to see how they are and make sure they are being properly cared for. When they were caterpillars (larva), a student accidentally knocked the jar down and they were just making their way up to the top of the jar to prepare to make a chrysalis. One made it back up to the top (where they are supposed to be according to the directions), and one stayed on the bottom. I was so upset. I cried. I think it's just a value for any life, no matter how small. We all play a role on this planet, so respect for all living things is a value I will definitely instill in my children.

On the other hand, animals make me happy. I can totally see how animals help people in a therapeutic way. They are non judgmental and just listen- if you need to talk. They love you if you love them.

Anybody who's ever had and loved an animal can relate. If you haven't, you may find such a love and attachment a bit overboard or strange. I can assure you, it's real, and it's wonderful- to love and be loved by an animal.