KINDERGARTEN - Ready or Not ?-NOT!

If Mateo were born two months earlier, he would be entering Kindergarten this September, and honestly, I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for him to grow up-- be a big boy. And thank goodness he has one more year of being my baby boy- one more year for ME to prepare myself for the impending start of “formal”schooling.

Kindergarten means he'll be away from us, his primary caregivers, for the whole day. It means letting go. Kindergarten is not like like it was when I went to school. We did colors, shapes and numbers. Now, you are expected to already know all that. When I was in preschool I sang songs and played- developmentally appropriate activities. You'll be hard-pressed to find a program that teaches “the whole child”.

I see how teachers treat and talk to children, Kindergarteners. Would I ever want Mateo talked to like that? Sarcastically? Condescendingly? Breaking down confidence, when you should be building it up?

This is why it is so important to find a good early childhood program- one that is warm, caring, and of course academically rigorous as well. This is a delicate balance.

I guess at 4 or 5 years old, the best way to find out if they feel safe where they are is-- are they happy when they come home? Do they want to go back? Do they talk enthusiastically about the teacher and activities?

I want to visit. I want to be as involved as I can. I want to see how the teacher reacts to students, both “well” behaved students and disruptive students. I want to be a fly on the wall. Does the teacher have patience and talk to the students in a calm, reassuring voice?

One more year before the big one. One more year of growth in every sense for my baby boy. I will most definitely cry your first day of Kindergarten, thinking about the past and the future. I will let you go- I promise- but it won't be easy.

I'M AMERICAN - DO I HAVE A CULTURE?

Another thing that is very much part of our family and defines us is the fact that we are bilingual/bicultural. My husband is from Argentina. We speak Spanish at home and my son didn't speak a word of English until he after he turned three years old. My husband, is of course a native speaker and I learned the language.

I'm American- do I really have a culture?

So, what does it mean to be an American? I'm not Indian or Asian or Hispanic. I was born here and have no real customs from my heritage. I'm a European mutt- half Italian, the rest Irish and British. I have no other language that I grew up with, no typical foods, etc...so I never thought that I really had a culture. Until I met Rafa, and on some major, and many minor issues we clashed.

I realized I guess that I do have typical food dishes as an American. When I was abroad, the only things I missed were a good cheeseburger and a good pizza – honestly, that was it. So cliché American...

There is the risk-taking, entrepeneuraial mentality that is engrained in our culture. Come to America. Work hard, and you will succeed. It is the land of opportunity. Be independent.

There is a lot of pressure here in the United States to fit into a mold, everything “should” be done a certain way at a certain time, in a certain order. I myself am guilty of this at times. We have these "milestones" that we want so badly to stick to - like a bible - if they don't do "x" by "y" time, freak out.  


I am also the parent that pushes my son to do things by himself and be more independent (which is not always a bad thing, so maybe we balance each other out well). I pushed to go to a daycare when he was young to “socialize” with other kids, instead of being at home, which is the most important place to be. My husband was never keen on these things. 


 We don't let kids do nothing, even though their “nothing” are the best learning experiences for them. Learning is not done by paying $250 for a structured class. There are always 400 things for kids to do- practices, classes, etc... And, I'm learning from my husband- instead of my cookie-cutter ideas (an effect of my culture), to let our kids be. They will do/learn when they are ready.


I would like to add that it is not JUST culture that shapes your values and ideals.  A LOT has to do with your family, the way you grew up - and that also comes into play in our family now.

We have something to learn from each other as parents.  My push for independence, and his loving sheltering and protecting.

I am proud of the ideals and values we both have and hope to instill in our children. We balance each other out nicely.

ANOTHER SORT OF RELATIONSHIP 

Now, this isn't a blog specifically about breastfeeding or parenting, but there will be various entries about both of them. I could not write about my life without writing about my family. And nursing, well, that is a big part of my life with Maia now, and a very important part.

I've already armed myself with information (medically backed up) about why I am doing what's called “extended” breastfeeding and why it's still normal to feed a toddler the way nature intended. I know those questions are coming. I am by no means a “lactivist”, but breastfeeding is something I strongly believe in, and to me is optimal nourishment. I do not say a word about the way anybody feeds their child- to each their own, but I am an ardent supporter to those who breastfeed and may experience bumps in the road (which there will be – it is not easy sometimes). I love to help whenever I can.

Anyway, this post is not about the nutritional/medical aspect of nursing. It is about the emotions and feelings of this beautiful relationship. There is something so intimate about it, and you won't understand unless you've experienced it.

Maia is our last baby, so when she weans I will be sad. But I trust her to do it when she's ready. At the same time, I will be contented with all the memories I have and seeing her grow from a helpless newborn to an independent, healthy rambunctious toddler.

I will miss her pulling my hair, kicking, squirming, laughing as she looks up at me. I will miss her trying to carry the nursing pillow across the room to me. I will miss her nursing at night-- crazy as it sounds now, I know sleep is precious. But how much sleep have we lost for things far less noble? Being there in a way nobody else can for your child-- priceless. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

It's clear that we both still are happy in this relationship, neither of us is ready for it to end. When she is, I will respect that decision, although I will be sad for that part of our relationship to end.

As she falls asleep next to me, I myself drift off as I get home from work. There's nothing better to help calm her when she is tired and cranky.  She relaxes and nods off to sleep.

What people don't understand is that this toddler doesn't become a toddler overnight. Nothing miraculosuly happens on day 366 of their life that makes them need you any less. The older they get it is harder for people to understand that.

My greatest gift I can give is helping other mothers to nurse their child. I would not want them to miss this, something so beautiful. To put the needs of your child above all else. Period. Everyday in every way.

If you want to know all the medical benefits of breastfeeding, I will post that at another time.


So, when people ask me "why", the best response is "why not?"  Give me one good reason.


I read once that a good analogy to nursing is wearing a seat belt.  If somebody questioned you about that, you would look at them like they were crazy, because you know that it's just the right thing to do, so ingrained in you.  Nobody would change your mind.  Same with breastfeeding.